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What If Jesus Was Greedy?

When they came to the place called the Skull, they crucified him with criminals, one on his right, the other on his left. Jesus said…

“Act now! For a one time fee of just $250, I will teach you how to make the most of your spiritual gifts. Now you can be just like my best disciples and know what I have called you to do, where I want you to serve, and how My Kingdom can best use you!”

As the skies began to turn black and the people gathered, Jesus again spoke. “Buy my book. It will teach you how to get the best life God has planned for you. It’s the only way you’ll ever know your purpose in this life. Just $29.99 at any local bookstore.”

Looking down at his most beloved disciple Jesus spoke once more. “Behold my servant John, whom I am now giving sole ownership of my beach house near the Sea of Galilee. It is a wonderful place for churches, small groups and families to take a retreat and grow closer to God. John, remember the going rate is $2,000 per week.”

At about the ninth hour, Jesus spoke again. “Just a few short hours left for me to teach you my award-winning seminar on finding your place in God’s world. Because the time is short, I’ll slash the price in half and only charge the low, low fee of $600 per family. Thousands have been through this program and have found forgiveness for their sins and a new path to the Almighty. This is the final time this course is being offered. Hurry. The gates of Heaven are closing soon.”

Actually…

“In the temple he found those who were selling oxen and sheep and pigeons, and the money-changers sitting there. And making a whip of cords, he drove them all out of the temple, with the sheep and oxen. And he poured out the coins of the money-changers and overturned their tables. And he told those who sold the pigeons, “Take these things away; do not make my Father’s house a house of trade.”
-John 2:14-16

Wisdom From Jonah

Last night I had the “pleasure” of hosting a movie night for a half-dozen first graders. Overall, I suppose it was a decent experience with the possible exception of when they started dancing in the middle of the movie and overturned a bowl of popcorn on my living room carpet.

We watched the Veggie Tales movie “Jonah.” Yeah… Veggie Tales… Talking vegetables with no hands. Over the years I have sort of developed a phobia of these creatures. Anyway, I’ll be the first to admit I am no Old Testament scholar, and other than knowing Jonah was a prophet and he crossed paths with the wrong fish, I’m not terribly well acquainted with the story, so naturally after the movie night was over I thought it might be a good idea to actually read the book of Jonah.

It’s a short book– just four chapters. Each chapter is about 3 paragraphs long. It may be the closest thing the Bible has to a children’s book. Reading it, I noticed that it spends only one chapter on Jonah’s life in The Churn and Burble Motel. The rest of the chapter talks about God’s incredible mercy.

The Old Testament gets a bad rap sometimes from people who want to see God as cruel and judgmental, but in the book of Jonah I found a pearl that I really wish more churches would teach and more Christians would read.

Before I get to the pearl let me sum up the whole book in just a few words. God tells Jonah to go to Nineveh to warn them of their impending judgment. Jonah runs away because he thinks the people of Nineveh are swine but he knows God is forgiving and that if they hear about God they’ll repent and God won’t give them their just desserts. Jonah’s running lands him on the Ocean Cafe’s menu, but apparently humans give whales indigestion.

Soaked in vomit and slightly embarrassed, Jonah goes and does what God told him to do, but he’s not happy about it. He ends up sitting on a hill waiting for God to strike the repentant city down. When God doesn’t, Jonah asks God to take his life because he can’t stand the thought of living in the same world as those awful people.

God has compassion on Jonah and causes a plant to grow to shade Jonah from the hot sun. Then, God sends a worm to destroy the plant. Jonah goes ballistic and asks to be killed off again. After that, we have the pearl. God speaks, and tells us how he feels about haughty self-righteous religious people and the rest of the world. Here’s what he says:

“You pity the plant, for which you did not labor, nor did you make it grow, which came into being in a night and perished in a night. And should I not pity Nineveh, that great city, in which there are more than 120,000 persons who do not know their right hand from their left, and also much cattle.”

Right there. They aren’t awful. They are individuals with dignity whom God has chosen to forgive because “they know not what they do.” We’ve spent so much time in Sunday school and in apologetics lessons talking about the fish that we have forgotten the point. The point of the book of Jonah has nothing to do with the fish. It has everything to do with showing us the character of our God, how greatly He values people and how he really wishes his followers would stop judging people who don’t know any better.

It’s a good point. Jonah missed it, and thousands of years later, I fear we have missed it too. It’s funny how so often we are willing to accept the grace God has given us but we don’t show that same grace to prostitutes, drug addicts, alcoholics, homosexuals or the poor.